Broken hearted

I never know quite what to put on my blog. I usually use it as a picture forum for far away family to see our kids. I rarely do much journaling on here and often leave a lot of details and some significant events off. Did you know our dog, Miley, died this summer? She did, and now I feel guilty that it isn't on here. But how do I leave off something life changing and so significant in our lives right now? The answer is, I don't. So... if you know all about this, you can read what you want. If you don't, that's why I'm putting this on here.

This past Friday I went in for an ultrasound. I've also been a little hush-hush about the 3 ultrasounds I've had in the last month. Our baby has been measuring small (Like 20 days or more behind the Estimated due date). My midwives didn't feel comfortable with the huge discrepancy so I kept getting sent back for ultrasounds. On Friday they were supposed to do a bio-physical and check the flow from the umbilical chord. From there, I was sent to labor and delivery at Poudre Valley Hospital for monitoring and to speak to a doctor about my ultrasound. From there I was sent to Denver. Luckily our kids were in good hands, because we were admitted to the hospital overnight and met with an OB specialist and a pediatric cardiologist. It was seriously a whirlwind.

Friday night we had another ultrasound in Denver. It was filled with a lot of scary words like heart disease, complex, severe, abnormal, and open heart surgery. We didn't know much of what to think and were left with a lot of time to think about it the next day. It led to a lot of reflection about life, Heavenly Father's plan, and what this meant for our family.

Our visit with the pediatric cardiologist was really helpful. It helped us to put things in context and gave us a better idea as to the seriousness of our baby's condition. The baby has been diagnosed with hypoplastic left heart syndrome (mild to moderate underdevelopment of the mitral valve and left ventricle) and a persistent left superior Vena Cava (this is part of the thoracic system, rather than the heart, but is included because cardiologists are the ones who operate on it).

I can give more information, but basically, our baby's left heart is not fully developed and we will have to wait until birth to see if the heart is strong enough or capable of pumping all the blood it need to- especially the left ventricle. I don't know that I'll write much more about it until after the baby is born. There are so many unknowns and we will just have to wait until birth to find out much more.

This is the picture the cardiologist drew of our baby's heart. You can see that the left side is smaller but it is more like a 60/40 split with the right heart and not as severe as most of the cases they see. The doctor said it is actually more common to have a 90/10 split than the kind our baby has. Anyway, we feel blessed to have come across such great and capable doctors and will let you know what we find out.

I'm 36 weeks today, but didn't feel like I could pose for a belly shot. It felt to weird, after knowing what I know. Don't get me wrong- I am so excited for this baby to come. I've been washing clothes, getting the carseat ready, and dreaming of how our baby girl will look. I'm getting induced the 22nd of November (2 weeks from today) and they expect the baby to hospitalized for at least 4 days. The baby will be delivered in Denver so that we will have access to all of the pediatric cardiologists and other heart help we might need. We were given some encouraging information that a little girl with a heart similar to our baby's heart didn't need to have surgery until she was 3. I'm still trying to prepare though for surgery close after birth so that I can be somewhat prepared for anything.

Justin and I feel more gratitude than anything. We are humbled that the doctors even found this condition and feel like we've been placed in the most capable hands. We cannot deny the hand of our Heavenly Father and his love,mercy, and watchful care over us and this baby. We know who we are, we know God's plan, we'll follow him in faith.

We appreciate everyone who is praying on behalf of our baby and will let you know as we receive any updates (though we don't expect anything much until after the baby is born). Love to all.
Maggie