What a difference a year makes

One year ago (On April 11, 2011) we were waking up at 4 in the morning with a "fasting" 5 month old baby to drive down to Denver. We had been busily preparing for that day, making a few trips down to Denver to donate blood for a possible transfusion and then also for a pre-op appointment a few days before. A tender mercy in timing allowed both sets of parents to be there to support us through the surgery and also to attend Maisy's baby blessing the day before.

At the hospital, we watched them do labs and tried to keep her happy, and then we handed her over to the surgeon we had only met a few days before. It still brings tears to my eyes to think of all the emotion that was involved. We knew that the surgery only carried a 1% risk. One percent. What do we do every day that involves that kind of risk? Aren't you at least at 1% risk if you have siblings? Still. It felt scary to know that something could go wrong or that there would be some kind of complication.

The nurse practitioner came in every hour or so to give us updates. I can still remember the time she came in and said, "We've successfully stopped your baby's heart". Longest hour of my life. We felt relieved and blessed when we heard that the heart was successfully beating again and then that surgery was completed and had been successful.

I remember walking back to see Maisy. They had explained what she would look like days before the surgery. They warned us and described in detail how it would be. But somehow, I was in denial. I didn't think that my baby would look too bad. We walked in the room and I saw the breathing tube, the millions of wires, and the swelling and fluids that distorted sweet Maisy's almost lifeless body. I remember standing there, with Justin's mom by my side and a doctor coming up to talk to me. Suddenly, I felt too weak to stand. I couldn't hear what the doctor was saying and I just started to sob. Seeing my baby was not the comforting moment I thought it would be. It was scary and hard and overwhelming.

How grateful I was later, however, for that moment. As the hours passed I watched this baby heal before my eyes. Pretty soon she was breathing on her own, smiling, laughing, eating, and doing all of the things a normal baby should do.Even her scar has seemed to almost disappear. 

I guess I am a little sentimental because a great family in our ward has a baby who was diagnosed with a brain tumor. His road hasn't been as smooth as ours and it has been a slow and long recovery. He just had his second brain surgery a few weeks ago.Two days ago, on Sunday, his grandmother was talking to me about how rewarding it would be if this little baby could smile again... he has facial palsy from the surgery and they are not sure whether or not it will heal. We are so blessed. I talk to people who's babies have the original diagnosis that Maisy was given, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. We are so blessed. I look at mothers and families who anticipate multiple surgeries on their infants. We are so blessed. 

So, I guess the purpose of this post is to express my gratitude for the way this trial unfolded. The question that remains in my mind is, "why us"?  How did our story become a warm fuzzy memory of the love of God and his miracles while so many suffer with heartbreak and sad endings. I'm not sure, but I do a keep a prayer in my heart for those families and feel thankful for our blessings.

  And remember how exciting it was when she got to come home for Justin's birthday?

I know I already posted this picture, but it makes my heart happy that she is doing so well and that her scar has healed so well. A friend posted a picture of her baby online with a tutu and no shirt. I found myself looking for the baby's scar (she didn't have one)...I guess I'm so used to that now it almost seems normal.

We celebrated the anniversary with some heart shaped jello and some heart shaped grilled cheese. We also celebrated by going swimming with Gracie's pre-school class:)

Anyway, a year does make a lot of difference and I watch a busy and strong-willed toddler with new eyes. Knowing that it is that strong spirit that makes her our "Miracle Maisy".